What I did not know as a soldier I learned as a civilian working with soldiers and having a relationship with God the Father. Just as Adam and Eve needed time, to understand their new reality after the fall, life without the perfect koinonia (perfect love walking as one) with the Father, time was the missing link in my situation that brought about a true understanding of what I was walking in. As man (man, man; man, woman) we process life event one second at a time, forgetting that nothing in this world existed instantly. So, over the next 20 years of military contracting and the last 5 years studying and walking with the Father, He gave me wisdom, education, and peace in my understanding of PTSD, marriage/relationship, and family. Because, all three affect one another, God took me on a path that provided the realistic knowledge of what PTSD is, does to the mind, and the process of deliverance. A spiritual battle always requires God!!!
When a man or woman leaves home and go into combat, he or she becomes the soldier the military trained him or her to be. Without combat he or she is still is a soldier, but a civilianized soldier living day to day choices with the ability to go home or the barracks. His or her ability to get away from the annoying soldiers or civilians that got on their nerves that day or the day before gives them somewhat peace of mind to be able to cope. Even though there is stress, it is manageable to a point based on the person’s ability to separate oneself from the destructive motive-based mentality of the soldier or civilian they were dealing with.
Regardless of what we think, there is a motive in everything we do without God. Every ungodly relationship is selfish and driven by the conscious or unconscious thoughts that are in the heart. As we move on in our relationship, the motives become the reality either for good or bad. After the wants have be fulfilled, the ups and downs of your changing heart drives your relationship. The relationship is continued by one person giving into the motives of the other, either for selfish destructive reasons or otherwise. Uncertainty of the relationship sneaks in because, the relationship was built on untruth, not God (Love). The two try to make it work, because the soldier knows deployment is on the way. Once deployed phone calls fill the airways and letters are mailed through the post office speaking of love and the relationship they will build together once the soldier returns home.
The significant other at home distracts themselves with the routine of everyday life functions to subdue their loneliness. The soldier writes and calls as much as possible to let his or her mate know they care. Both individuals gets consumed by life’s distractions. The soldier dealing with combat situations and the significant other with day to day activities that slows down the letters and phone calls. Idle time makes the mind wonder and thoughts of destruction begins to penetrate causing doubt and unrealistic situations in the relationship. Because, God is not the center of the relationship, Satan’s army escalates the thoughts of infidelity and other negative situations to cause doubt and mistrust in the minds of the two individuals. The letters and phone calls begin to contain hidden messages trying to catch the person in a lie or trying to find out what their soul mate is doing. This is the time God is so crucially needed to bring peace into the internal battle of loving your significant other.
When God created man, He gave a part of Himself to all of us that cannot be filled with worldly things, only Him. When we make something or design a product it carries a part of ourselves that is only relevant to us. Even as I am writing this piece the Author always comes out through the writing, God. As I am typing on the computer the password belongs to me. This personal password signifies my identity to the computer. So, to be completely fulfilled there must be a connection to the Father (God).
Now the distance, loneliness, confusion, and fear has taken over the thoughts of the significant other left behind.
The soldier fights the same battle with the added thoughts of their own survival and wanting to make it home hoping to make things right in the relationship. His or her loneliness, insecurity, and confusion is replaced with fear of death to themselves and their fellow soldiers.
The soldier’s unity begins to create a bond, a family of men and women that goes well beyond just saying family. This is called koinonia love. Koinonia love is a love so strong that if a soldier loses an arm, He or she gains two with his or her brothers and sisters in arms. Leave no man behind as we old soldiers say. So, as the bond strengthen with the soldiers, the bond between his or her family at home diminishes without the soldier’s knowledge or awareness. I am not saying the soldier do not love his or her family, but when a soldier goes into combat survival and strategy consumes them to see another day. Writing home or calling home reopens the wound that has been filled with combat, so communication slows down between partners. At this point the distance has created the gap that is needed for combat, but has slowly destroyed the bond the real family at home needs for survival. The combat soldier is now developed and operating in full capacity.
For the spouse or significant other their priorities becomes bills, children, and family. They also have the thought of losing their love one and the thought of the soldiers knocking on their door sharing the bad news that your significant other is no longer here.
The reality behind this is their significant other is no longer here. He or she has truly died in combat. The combat soldier is born with zero tolerance for the superficial life. Little patience with a no excuse attitude for dealing with life issues and problems has become the soldier’s identity. He or she does not want to be bothered with day to day situations, because survival of their brothers and sisters in arms has become who and what their purpose is, not the ordinary life situations families deal with at home.
Now the significant other starts realizing that their mate has become hostile and not so attentive if or when they have a conversation over the phone. They start thinking that their mate is just stressed or trying to deal with what they are going through. Reality is they are talking to a stranger. The love one that went away no longer exists.
1 Corinthians 15:28-34
28And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all. 29Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead? 30And why stand we in jeopardy every hour? 31I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily. 32If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not? let us eat and drink; for to morrow we die. 33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners. 34Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak this to your shame.
This passage in the bible translate into a person dying daily to become a new person with Christ. Giving up the old things that take you away from Christ and indulging in the things that help you to walk with Him daily.
This also applies to a soldier and people’s daily lives. Slowly the soldier become the killing machine that the military has trained him or her to be. Withdrawn to reality of life situations and present in the daily life of combat with no way out. Living and walking in the things that makes him or her the perfect soldier that supports and defends the country that the government so graciously ask them to do. Combat becomes the reality not the mission they were sent to do.
Now is the time for training of the military spouses, significant others, family and friends. These individuals need to know that their spouses no longer exist. The young minded or friendly husband, wife, dad, son, daughter, or friend has died in combat literally, not physically. The person they used to talk to has become a combat veteran, a soldier that has learned to protect this country and our way of life. In the soldier’s mind he or she will continue this mission even out of the combat zone, because every place he or she goes will be an extension of what they have been through.
Our military services need to provide this training for the families of the combat veterans while they are in combat not waiting until the soldier returns from war. Waiting for the return of the soldier is too late for the soldier’s family. The domestic violence rate for veterans has escalated to an epidemic and our families has become the victims of the epidemic that was created by the misunderstanding of war. Returning a combat veteran directly to his or her home and family is a mistake on the military behalf. The veteran does not have time to transition from one combat zone to another. The two combat zones that the soldier must deal with once he or she returns home is fighting the enemy for the country in the soldier’s mind and now fighting an enemy of life issues and problems. Both enemies require training, decompression, and time.
In Desert Storm in Iraq we were required to go to a place in the desert called King Khalid Military City (KKMC) for 30 days prior to our redeploying back to garrison (our regular duty stations). As a soldier we did not know why because we wanted so badly to go home and be with our families, so we thought. That was one of the greatest tools the military could have used to combat what we were dealing with in our mind. We played games, talked to family members on the phone, sat around enjoying music, and so on, decompression. This allowed us to transition somewhat back to society. It was not a permanent fix, but a start. Forgetting what you learned that helped you to succeed is a recipe for disaster. Yes, the world has become faster and things has begun to increase based on decision by our superiors, but using the right tools and time combats destruction, something we so desperately need. Our families should not be the victims of the mistakes of our leaders.
Once the soldier returns home it is a great reunion between spouses, significant others, children, and family. The reason I continue to call the soldier “soldier” is because the person that went into combat is dead, and the only thing left is a soldier.
Day one is great until the lights goes out. The sudden noises, hollering of kids, the mate wanting to discuss bills and issues about the family, turns enjoyment into depression and hostility. In the soldiers mind he or she is missing combat. The peace of knowing what comes next without having the complication of too many surprises or responsibilities starts to remind him of home; the combat zone. The soldier starts to miss his family, brothers and sister in arms. Within his mind none of the things the significant other or children want to talk about is making sense. All the soldier wants to do is go home (combat zone) to the life he or she knows so well. The soldier starts drinking heavily and most of them begin experimenting with drugs. The significant other is wondering why their mate is withdrawing, drinking, taking drugs, and do not want to be bothered. The soldier’s spouse and friends do not recognize the soldier and treat him or her as the individual he used to be, not understanding their love one no longer exist mentally. The fighting and arguing begins. The significant other continues to bring things to the soldier’s attention. Most of all telling them they need medical attention.
Sad thing to say is God is left out of this situation and now He should be priority. The spiritual battle the soldier is fighting cannot be fixed with drugs. PTSD can be helped, but not fixed with medical treatment, because the mind never shuts off and the thoughts Satan and his imps continues to put in his or her mind escalates to destroy the soldier and his or her family.
The military recommends medication and psychological help. Talking to a psychologist or physician that has not left their chair or desk and want to telling him or her they have a problem, does not sit well with the soldier. The thought in the soldier’s mind is yes, I do have problems, talking to someone that does not have a clue of what I have been through. The soldier continues the medical treatment, so the significant other will get off their back. The soldier becomes more and more frustrated with the counseling and the drugs that is subduing his or her mind. The soldier withdraws more and more and the counter on the time bomb begins to narrow down to zero.
The significant others get other family and friends involved hoping they can reach their mate. This only infuriates the soldier more. To the soldier the enemy has now invaded his home. Now the soldier becomes that protector the military trained him or her to be, willing to defend against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
The next day, the family and the soldier is no longer with us. The remnants of who they were lie on the floor next to each other, because God was not included in the spiritual battle. This is the extreme, but it is reality for many families. The Creator was not included in fixing His creation. As humans we think we know more than the Creator that made us, always thinking that we are the beginning and end of our own lives. Before there was human life there was God. This battle will never be won without Him. Recognizing a spiritual battle is not possible for the unsaved, because they do not believe. I am here to tell you this is a spiritual battle. Satan does use the tool of deception to destroy man to tell God His creation is not worthy of His love. Yes, we buy into the lies and the deception and use every tool Satan supplies and calls it a cure. We can see how great that is working with the daily destruction of man. Without God love does not exist, and without love only destruction is present. If someone can show me love in destruction, I will show them a fallen world. I guess I am not asleep.
2Wherefore should the heathen say, Where is now their God? 3But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased. 4Their idols are silver and gold, the work of men’s hands. 5They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not: 6They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not: 7They have hands, but they handle not: feet have they, but they walk not: neither speak they through their throat. 8They that make them are like unto them; so is every one that trusteth in them.
This verse explains how we as humans walk based on the understanding of this world, the fallen Adam, and not the resurrection of Christ in eternity. Satan’s strategy for man’s destruction is called
The Four Deadly Deeds
Deceive: to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.
Discouragement: begin with a thought which is consciously fed by self, the enemy, without hope.
Divide: separate or divide typically producing tension or hostility.
Destroy: put to an end of existence, demolish tear down, nullify.
This strategy allows Satan to infiltrate any home, business, organization, presidency, church, or individual. The Holy Spirit was sent to this world for a reason, to keep you and to keep you aware of your enemy. Now it is time to get to know your creator, your life, health, and peace of mind depends on it. PTSD is another tool Satan uses to keep you in suspense, not moving, and keep you walking in your past. Eternity is everlasting and never stops moving. I encourage everyone that reads this to get to know the Spirit of God, so the enemy loses his power of control. To walk in what has been defeated is insanity. Welcome to a new day.